Rejecting, suppressing, or ignoring part(s) of yourself – needs/ wants/ limits/ boundaries – in real time, often in service of something else (like maintaining a relationship or getting people to like you.)
There are lots of signs and symptoms of this chronic behaviour:
- Saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”
- Putting your needs last to avoid disappointing others
- Giving up on your commitments and promises to yourself
- Self-silencing and editing your voice instead of standing up for yourself
- Letting someone’s bad behaviour slide regularly
- Feeling guilty and putting off self-care
Sound familiar? That’s self-abandonment at it’s finest. But better yet, let me ask you:
How does that self-abandonment feel in your body?
Icky right? That pang in your heart and solar plexus? Maybe a tightness or a lump in your throat? That inner-knowing of what you’re doing, but the unknowingness of what else to do. Even harder? The sense that every time you do it you are losing a little piece of yourself…
UGH. Don’t I know it!!
I was a chronic self-betrayer. My whole life I’ve been shaped and conditioned to play nice and be easy – easy to be around, easy to work with, easy to get along with, easy to look at, easy in lot’s of ways TBH – and man, it took a toll on my EVERYTHING.
My self-esteem and confidence were shot.
After years of trying to prove myself in a corporate environment, thinking if I could just do enough, succeed enough, prove enough, that I’d finally feel fully settled in myself – but no luck, it simply doesn’t work that way.
You can’t fix this kinda thing from the outside, in.
It didn’t matter how much I stretched and twisted myself. All it got me was a serious depressive episode, a 9-month stress leave, and an eventual departure from the company I’d worked for, for almost a decade.
My ability to make decisions and choices were soooo upside-down and turned around that when I looked at some of the things I’d done and choices I’d made, I hardly recognized myself… I also didn’t know how to get back to a place where I did.
I felt really lost… and like there was something intrinsically “wrong” with me. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on but still, I knew it was there. Otherwise, why the hell would I be acting and feeling like this?
Self-abandonment is a corrosive and toxic tendency that is a cancer to your sense of self.
When it has a grip on you and your life, the dreams you have, the life you want – the LOVE you want – are unavailable in any kind of authentic way.
You can’t build the life of your dreams by compromising and betraying yourself.
All you’ll have is a tenuous house of cards that will eventually collapse because you’ll blow it up somehow:
- Get fired
- Accrue crazy debt
- Cheat on your partner
- Mental health problems
- Numbing with substances
- Work yourself to exhaustion
- Experience a health crisis
- Crash your business
Etc. etc. etc…
And all that repressed anger and resentment you have for the players in your self-betrayed life (especially with yourself) has to go somewhere…
It’s undeniable and unavoidable.
But it doesn’t have to be that way… you do have a choice.
Imagine YOU, standing fully in your power, no matter what your previous conditioning has been:
- A strong connection to your truth and the ability to speak it – every time.
- Deeply connected relationships built on the foundation of authenticity and truth.
- Crystal clear boundaries and the confidence to honour them – even if it rocks a few boats.
- Courageous enough to be seen for who you really are – living your life with meaning and purpose.
- Powerfully and naturally holding the balance of fierceness and femininity with ease.
- YOU, grounded in the knowledge that you are enough.
What would be possible for you, and your life, and all the dreams you have – including the ones you’ve forgotten about or given up on – if all of THAT (↑↑↑↑) was a reality for you?
I bet you can’t even really wrap your head around that, right? I get that… but my friend, let me ask you, are you ready to try?
The Rewilding Project.
We want you – the real you, the untamed and willing-to-be-re-wilded YOU. Are you ready to join our community?
“The boundary setting that I learned to do with Heather paved the way to change my entire life! It helped me to see what I needed to let go of; especially the relationships that weren’t serving me, and it opened the door for the loving relationship I’ve wanted for so long, to finally show up.” – Poorni