your presence matters

No really, YOU Matter.

Your presence matters more than what you look like.

You being there matters more than those extra pounds, those new wrinkles, or your outfit. It’s more important that the being that is YOU show up, rather than what you look like when you get there.

This was a bit of a stop-me-in-my-tracks kinda thing the first time I heard it. I mean, I’d heard a bunch of different versions of the same sentiment a million times before:

  • “You matter”
  • “You’re enough”
  • “Beauty comes from within”
  • “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”
  • “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”

But it’s never hit me the same way that “your presence matters more than what you look like” did.

Even though our culture is working to normalize average bodies in print media, on tv, and in movies. Even though the body positivity movement is gaining traction, and red flags are being raised about what social media is doing to self-esteem. Even though there’s been an intentional shift in focus towards how strong our bodies are rather than how thin they are. Etc. etc. etc…

That’s all still a focus on our bodies.

Your presence matters more than what you look like.

I consciously know this to be true. I can recognize and shift the internal dialogue when it gets on a rant, and remind myself that me being there matters more than what I look like while I’m there.

I get that on a conscious level.

But when I heard it said this way the first time – “your presence matters more than what you look like” – something deep inside me stopped, or got caught up, or was maybe a bit stupefied.

Clearly my subconscious – the place where all my limiting beliefs are held – still believed that the opposite was true.

And when I think about it, why else would I spend so much time thinking about and agonizing over the extra pounds and wrinkles, and this lawn-mower-job of a haircut I recently got?

Your presence matters more than what you look like.

Do yourself a favour right now, stop what you’re doing and find a mirror – turn the camera around on your phone if you have to. Then, say OUT LOUD to yourself:

“My presence matters more than what I look like.”

How does it feel in your body when you say that? How does it feel in your heart-centre when you hear yourself say that?

Better yet, take a video of yourself saying that, and then watch it back.

I’ll wait…

If you’re like the majority of women out there, this is not your default setting.

For most women, whether we like it or not, the default setting is that what you look like, how well you perform, what you achieve, and how selfless you are, determines your worth; essentially what you can do and how pleasing you can be for others, informs your value.

No wonder we struggle so much to take up space, make ourselves a priority, and embody main-character-energy in our own lives!

Your presence matters more than what you look like.

What if, at the core of your being, you knew that to be true? You believed that, as a default setting, it was true. Your presence matters more.

No matter where you are – at home, at work, at a party, or on the subway – your presence matters more. YOU as a BEING matters more than what you look like.

No matter what you do – boss babe, mom, friend, fitness enthusiast, foodie, nature lover – your presence matters more. YOU as a BEING matter more than any label you give yourself.

That means, all the things on the exterior that you hold onto and hide behind, to cover your perceived flaws and make you appear more worthy or acceptable – the clothes, the make-up, the perfect accessories – mean nothing if YOU aren’t there.

All that internalized misogyny, objectification, and self-loathing is like a programming error in the operating system of your life.

If the you-that-is-you (your heart, your soul, your spirit, your being-ness) isn’t showing up, all the rest of it, is irrelevant.

What difference would that make to you?

To your life?

How would you show up differently? What would you let yourself say yes to, that you otherwise deny yourself? What would you give yourself permission to say no to or let go of, that you’ve basically been punishing yourself by holding onto?

If you believed that your presence matters more, would that finally allow you to put your needs and desires at the front of the line?


Your presence matters more than what you look like.

I am under no illusions here.

I know we live in a world where it’s virtually impossible not to judge people from the outside in. Our personal psychology, our conditioning, our beliefs, and all our biases perpetuate the tendency to judge the proverbial book by its cover.

But what if it started with you?

What if you started repeating this to yourself like a mantra:

“My presence matters more than what I look like.”

Would that help shift the default thinking to: WHO I AM MATTERS.

Of course it would.

The question then becomes, how am I going to make that shift? How am I going to transform this default setting into something more supportive of who I want to be, and how I want to show up in the world?

That, my friend, is no easy feat. It’s uncomfortable to sift through all the things – the negative core beliefs, the conditioning, the blind spots, the self-perpetuating negative patterns of thinking – and come to terms with how and why you are the way you are. It’s uncomfortable to look at this stuff, and feel the feelings that go with it all…

But it is possible.

It’s also worth it.

Imagine what it would be like, to live your life, rooted in the belief that above all else your presence matters more…

Imagine what it would be like, if the next time you’re getting dressed to go to a social event or important meeting, that what you were thinking about was how you’d be received as the contribution YOU are, rather than worrying about whether they’d see those extra pounds, or deeper wrinkles, or outdated clothes, or depression, or failed marriage, or whatever else you worry they’ll judge you for?

Take up the space. Set the boundaries. Take the risks. Start living into your dreams.

This is the work I’m trained to do and work on every day with my clients. Hit me up if you’d like to see what that could look like for you.

Similar Posts