are-you-dating-down

Are you ‘dating down’?

You’ve heard about it before right?

The “creepiness rule” – as long as she’s older than half your age plus 7, she’s not too young – and you’re not a creep. So although you tend to date younger than you, she’s not that young…

Let’s be honest though – she’s also not your equal, is she?

Sure the women you date are lovely; pretty, smart, interesting… Maybe you’ve even gotten serious with someone you thought had real potential… but you always end up in the same place:

  • Disappointed it’s not what you want
  • Frustrated you keep having this same experience
  • Anxious that you’ll end up alone

It’s a tough cycle isn’t it?

Meeting someone and getting your hopes up… giving it your best shot, only to end up frustrated, sad, and alone again…

Giving up on dating and relationships for a while…

Getting tired of being lonely, pushing through your cynicism to try again, and meeting someone with potential…

Promising yourself it’ll be different this time because you’ve learned from your mistakes…

Getting your hopes up again, only to end up disappointed again

But my friend, that’s what happens when you ‘date down’.

That’s what happens (and will continue to happen) when you get involved with someone ‘lower on the social scale’ than you.

Sure it’s good in the beginning; she’s fun to be around and makes you laugh. She’s hot, and the sex is great – way better than the dead bedroom you had in the past.

So she might have some drama, it’s not that big a deal. It doesn’t affect you at this point and even if things did get serious – with your resources and life experience – you could handle her ‘stuff’ in a heartbeat.

Besides, it’s nice to feel appreciated, even admired…

But that’s essentially the problem isn’t it? She admires you, but do you admire her in return?

The truth is, you want a PARTNER.

You want to be with your true match – someone you deeply respect and admire – not someone you need to take care of.

But you know that right?

Because you’ve been here before in this shitty cycle, trying to convince yourself you’re okay, avoiding the dread that you’ll end up alone.

It’s tiring isn’t it? And pretty defeating too?

So let me be straight with you – it actually IS you.

Ouch.

I know, but a hard truth is better than a comfortable lie, so stay with me for a second.

You’re a smart man.

You know how to problem solve, so let’s solve this…

If you think about it, can you see that the common denominator in your love life is you? Until you deal with that, you’ll never have the partner – the match – you truly desire.

You my friend, have a mindset issue.

You strike up relationships with people where you can give your time, money, advice, expertise, etc. but they can’t effectively reciprocate any of that to you.

Even if the sex is super hot for a while, that won’t take the place of the emotional connection you’re craving in the long run.

The bottom line is: in order for a relationship to work (for you to settle in and create a connection) you need someone you can impress; someone who admires you… even puts you on a pedestal.

That might be uncomfortable to acknowledge – but am I wrong? No.

So the question then becomes: Why? Why is that your pattern?

You say you want a ‘powerful woman’ but you keep trying to build relationships with women who aren’t your equal – why is that?

Because somewhere in there, in the dark recesses of your mind, you believe if they see you as this awesome and wonderful guy, they’ll love you for sure – right? And if they love you like that, they won’t leave you – right?

Nope.

The reality is, their adoration may make you feel like “the man” now but eventually either:

  • They’ll see through your façade and get fed up with your bullshit, OR
  • You’ll start to lose respect for them for putting up with your crap in the first place

This pattern is called “dating down” and it allows you to feel in control and therefore emotionally safe in relationships.

It’s the pattern everyone jokes about as “she’s got daddy issues”.

But the truth is, that pattern only plays out one way…

No matter how much you try to coerce yourself into believing it’s real and a worthwhile relationship, the endgame of this pattern is heartbreak.

Yours.

Hers.

Not to mention the impact this drama has on other areas of your life!

Plus, every time you go through this cycle, it sets you back further and further. Each time you go around the mulberry bush, you accrue more proof and evidence for this belief (mindset) you’re stuck in.

The pattern is predictable:

  • She’ll get tired of you constantly ‘testing’ to see if she really loves you
  • You’ll get resentful that she’s buying into your crap and eventually get tired of it and want to break up with her, OR
  • You’ll be constantly worried she’ll leave you…

In fact, you’ll never fully trust her.

Instead, you’ll just keep testing her – and the relationship.

The drama of the testing and proving will wear you both down and no amount of quality time, grand gestures, or I’m sorry’s and I love you’s will fix it.

Because the problem isn’t with the relationship…

The problem lies with you.

You, my friend, have a mindset issue… what are you going to do about it?


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